"That's a sad story"

Hello world! It has been a very long time since I have written. I have plenty to share. I last blogged on December 5, 2016 but the world kept on turning. I realize that this blog is titled The Heart of a Pastor's Wife and I feel like sometimes there are situations that make me think that my heart will stop beating. When I first started this blogging journey my intention was to give a small glimpse into a large window of what does happen in ministry and how I, with God's help, deal with it all. Some wives that I know are quiet, some are bold, some are not nice, some you could even be surprised that they are pastor's wives by the way they act or carry themselves. I am real and in being real, I have to share some of the personal side and not just the ins and outs of Wednesdays and Sundays at the church, helping here and there and visitations.

In the past 6 months so much has happened and it made it feel like a whole year or two went by. When I last wrote I shared about my mom in the hospital, my grandpa going into a non lock down facility so they could care of him and his Alzheimer's, and our foster child. Just 12 days after my last blog post, just 10 minutes shy of my arrival, my mom entered into eternal rest and saw Jesus face to face. Long story short, with her stage 3 COPD and her pneumonia she had when I last wrote,  (she had been transferred to a long term rehab facility at my last blog post because while she was in the hospital she lost muscle tone in her legs) her body couldn't fight anymore and she became septic. Later I did pay to have her medical records released from that facility and I learned that just a day prior (on a Friday) after our visit (mom was fighting so hard to breath that I do not think she knew that my husband and I were there) she was moved to the ICU unit right down the hall (which I knew) she had another heart attack (that made a total of 3 in the last year due to her health as well as her stress level she was under for so long that I was not aware of until 10 months into 2016 when I was called to her at the hospital when she was on life support) , her liver had shut down as well as her kidneys so I know that there would be no quality of life had she made it through her last pneumonia streak. Some say mama shouldn't be gone now, some say perhaps malpractice was an issue, advice has been given on getting a lawyer, part of me wondered before on if I ever should have allowed her transfer to another facility, other parts of me wished I had known all of this way earlier then I did in October and spent more time, or made more phone calls- but this is what I know now....God has a plan and He is control. I do miss my mom and I wish I could call her on the phone or send her photos of her growing grand-kids, but I know that she is NOT missing the stress and pain of this world. Mom was cremated and is planted with two orange trees on our church property. As they grow and bloom and produce fruit that people from the neighborhood can eat and have nourishment, I can share moms beautiful redemptive story and share Christ with them. I could go on but today I won't. Donna J. Sprague (May 20, 1966- December 17, 2016-age 50)

My beautiful grandpa who helped raise me is doing good health wise minus his Alzheimer's. Back in April he fell where he was and they wanted him to do physical therapy so they moved him to a rehab facility that had a lock down unit where he was safe and that is where he has stayed. The staff there are experts in their field and have been at this specific location for 10-20+ years. He enjoys our visits but I know that he doesn't know who we are. Sometimes I wonder if he is better off. As cruel as it is for the rest of us to not be able to talk to our loved ones about old memories of how you'd help them cook, work on the car, ride on the lawnmower, BBQ, fishing, etc-they don't remember the pain of loved ones gone. My grandma died back in 2014 of renal cancer, he doesn't remember that. He doesn't remember that his daughter isn't on this earth anymore, he doesn't remember that his son is in prison, he doesn't remember that a close family member stole all of his valuable possessions that he worked over 20 years to have. But let me tell you what he does remember.....Jesus! If you pray for a meal, or sing a hymn-he just weeps. A few months ago we had him out and about with us and just moments after crying because his mind was not working the way he wanted it to and he asked to go back home, boldly and loving the whole car ride he told me about Jesus and kept telling me that Jesus was coming back one day and that I better learn who Jesus is.


Our foster child Kash spent 7 months with us. In March I became a full time stay at home mom to him and our two kids and to attend the rest of doctors appointments, speech therapy, occupational therapy, MRIs, etc. We were looking towards adoption as previously shared before in my post. Tuesday, May 30th we had court that would send us to the next steps of that but on that day, his dad arrived (the mom is currently out of the picture) and established paternity. May 31st was his last day with us. I miss him a lot but we were unable to take care of his growing health needs. We don't get much of an update due to confidentiality but this is what I know. He went into foster care to a family that could take care of his needs while his dad got some things squared away and soon they will be reunited. We miss him, he was a part of our family. I wrestled with myself with guilt and other emotions that came with the decision on not keeping him longer but God just kept urging me and confirming for me in ways of Kash's behavior that it was just not my place anymore. I loved him for as long as I had him but God has a plan for Kash and loves him way more then I ever could.

On the church front since my last blog post.... not including my mom, we have had 10 individuals that we know die. I can't elaborate on that because most of it was such a whirlwind of survival mode that I can't recall many of the details. I remember all of their names and their beautiful faces and all but one of them is in heaven. We are all going to die one day and we are not in control of when.The one that is not in heaven is burned in my mind almost daily and is a reminder to always share the complete, true, gospel.  Peoples souls and eternal salvation is at stake. I am proud to say that our church family has really come around these families, as well as us. Supportive, and loving and kind. Always willing to lend a hand.  We love them.

Look, this retelling seems like a drama filled Lifetime TV saga that has people dressed in black but I assure you, this is real life. I gave the cliff notes to someone the other day and at the end they said "wow, that's a sad story" with emotion behind it because they just didn't know what else to say. I thought to myself "wow, that does sound sad" but I thought about it more. I think it is a glorious story. One that has God on every page. If you look back at the things that have gone in your life, can you see how God has His mighty hand in it? Can you see how things once seemed dark and bleak with days full of stormy skies but now there is a promise and a hope and a future? If you can't, I encourage you to reach out to someone near you and ask them about Jesus.
 Here is a link that will show you how to have a life with Christ. http://www.davidjeremiah.org/site/about/becoming_a_christian.aspx .Please remember that becoming a Christian does not mean that you will be happy, healthy or wealthy. Find a Bible believing church and be a part of it, check what the pastor is saying, look it up in your bible and really search what is being taught.

Love you all....until next time.

-Stephine

*I'm back!*

Hello blog followers! Thank you for sticking it out with me- I have not written in awhile (almost 3 months)  so let me just fill you in. When I last wrote we had been out with the church group passing out Bibles, bible tracts, candy & invitations to our first ever community carnival. The carnival was held and it was a success-all of our volunteers were wonderful, the donations exceeded what I anticipated and everyone left happy full of hot dogs, baked beans, candy & popcorn. After the event I specifically had a time period of rest and took a semi back burner to volunteering for things because the planning took so much time and effort and energy…..I sure wish I could bottle up the energy of my kids and use it for times when I need it!
Things are still pressing forward at the church and it has been amazing to see what God has done in the short time we have been at Crystal Lake Baptist. We have seen several come to know Christ as their Savior, we have seen baptisms, kids eager to learn, adults being discipled, people growing and hearts changing. We even had a wedding this past Sunday to start off the morning service.

On a personal note :
My mom was on a ventilator in October and did not know where she was or how she got there for a few days-that was very scary, I did not know if her mental capacity would ever return. She got better and was discharged but, since then she has been in and out of the hospital with breathing trouble and currently has stage 3 COPD. She recently had a battle with pneumonia which landed her back in the hospital. That cleared up but her asthma and lung function are not where they need to be and her white blood cells are back up. She started today on another strong antibiotic so hoping she is discharged soon. Today starts week 3 of this hospital stay.

My grandfather who is only 71 had to be put into a home because of his Alzheimer’s and he is not currently in what they call “a lock down facility” and it is just assisted living. He has managed to escape 2 times total and this past weekend tried to get out again and they were able to stop him but he fell on his shoulder and they had to take him to the emergency room to make sure it was not broken. They will be moving him either this week or beginning of next week to a different facility.
We gained another little boy into our family as well, on October 13th DCF placed in our care Kash., currently on paper it is not official but the prayer is that he will be ours long term. He is two (almost three), he does not talk much and when he first came to us he was really skinny and didn’t want to eat much of anything and really introverted. He has gained 2 pounds since being with us, has been enjoying more foods (Even some vegetables!), has said a few words and starting to say some sentences with the encouragement of Jacob & I and the kids and the new friends at daycare. Prayerfully soon we have a full speech test and a possible MRI to see where we can go from here to get the best care for him.

What else you missed: We celebrated my 29th birthday, took the kids trick or treating (Kash had strep throat so he had to stay home), celebrated Alexanders 9th birthday, Thanksgiving with family & now Christmas is upon us. This week we have many things on the agenda as always and one being the church Christmas party with the $10 and under gift exchange game for the adults and at the same time we will have hot cocoa, games, crafts, gifts & more for the kids!

Looking forward:
SOON we will be renovating the baby nursery, implementing new awesome curriculum from Word of Life for the kids, a playground for the kids is in the works and so many more exciting things. It has been less then 6 months but we are for sure on fast forward and I thank God for His many blessings!

There is much to be said from others if we just take the time to listen.

I typically don’t take to Facebook to share some experiences for good reason but recently I have been very reflective-quiet and waiting and listening. So many times I get caught up in the busy of life that I don’t take time to sit and wait and listen to urging of the Holy Spirit who is the great teacher.

This past Saturday we went on a prayer walk and I prayed to have open eyes to see what was going on in the neighborhood right around the church-there were many people who were not outside but the ones that were the group we were with interacted and engaged with them and got to know a little about each one. The one that stuck out to me the most was a person by the name of Brian who recently his friend was killed by someone that came back at a later time to rob and ended up killing him after casing him out on a dating website. Brian who like countless others is hurting. Sunday at church for those that were able to go it was more of a reflective time as Jacob and the other men prayed for our community and the direction of the church.

One thing I have noticed since inviting the men to pray at the beginning of the service –EACH WEEK the numbers of men that come forward GROW.

Sunday afternoon while helping out after service someone from the neighborhood approached us as asked for some water-he was out of breath and tired and sweating and then asked for a ride to which Jacob was able to accommodate. From what I understand his shirt was torn and could have possibly been in a fight before coming onto our property.

Monday at work there was someone in tears because they were seeking a job and feared to lose everything and also really just needed comforting-after much conversation there was an invitation to church and our event for the family of 5.

Today there was someone who came in who also lost their house and rode their bike to apply for a job-through conversation this person is homeless and doing what they can to get back on their feet. I packed extra food because the day has errands to be run after work and now at least for lunch this person has food in their stomach.

I am NOT tooting my own horn. I want all to understand that this is not just a job for Jacob, nor just a place for our family to come and volunteer our time and energy at-this is our lifestyle. The time spent in prayer on our knees for where we are now has been such a long time coming to be answered and I am so thankful for Godly leadership from a wonderful man-the added benefit is that I am married to him.

There is much to be said from others if we just take the time to listen.

Please stay in prayer as we move forward as a church-not just our church but all of the churches that claim no other god than our God and salvation through Jesus Christ through repentance of sins-there is so much work to be done!

It's been awhile....

It has been awhile since I posted. So much has been going on that I just lost track of blogging. In some moments of stress after talking to my husband he said "have you blogged,it might make you feel better". Since the last time I posted about Alexis my mind has been even more in a whirlwind.  We never heard from her again. I wonder if after her birthday she got on that bus back home to New York to her family or if she is still living in the woods. I wonder if she read the Bible that was given to her. I know the Word won't return void but I just wonder how she is doing. You know how they catch animals in the wild and place tags on them to track their migrating habits or where they go to spawn their eggs-i wish we could do that to those we share the gospel with. If you can't walk side by side with them and are only able to share it in passing then it would be unique to see how it changes them with a peek into their lives. Then again maybe it wouldn't a good thing to see how they are doing. Maybe the gospel for the time now didn't change them and they are still living the way they were lost in their selfish actions.
After Alexis we had a few church members that were in the hospital unexpectedly and we got even more sad gut wrenching news. Things creep in and try and attack your armor when you least expect it. There was a woman we were asked to pray for. Her and her young child were sexually assaulted and they needed prayer. My heart was a mess that evening. As I tried to get my mind in order for visitations I remember being so unbelievably nervous on what to do if we ever got an emergency call that I wouldn't know what to do but when the time came I was in "go" mode and got things together and lined up childcare and just wanted to be there for the people that were hurting that we couldn't drive fast enough.
We were able to visit the church member but due to patient advocacy and privacy and the nature of the things that had happened we were unable to reach out to the young woman that evening. My heart still breaks for them. :( 
Fast forward to the next week and nothing large happened but small things here and there that wear you down and also things that excite you. We spend as much time allows on weekends to help clean things and move stuff around and make calls but time still slips away. I had the unique opportunity this last weekend after Sunday morning service that during the week since I am working I don't get to do, I got to go with out little family to visitations and I loved it! There were some that were in physical rehab but still had smiles on their face, there were some that were unable to move out of bed but were still happy to see us. We are doing what we have wanted to do after all these years. Loving on people and showing them the love of Christ.

I am so proud of Jacob. I know we look young but I assure you that this time in a couple of months we have been together for 15 years. 15 years sounds long but oh how fast it has gone by! Through family life, homelessness, ramen noodle nights, military life, moves across the world and country, buying a home, having a family.. .I thought I was proud before for all of the accomplishments and life milestones but nothing makes me more proud then now. Watching him lead a church and watching God use him as His mouthpiece makes me tear up every Sunday as we are getting the family ready to go out the door. His heart is with God and with the people God has entrusted him with. The care he takes in all of his hours of sermon prep and his hard work around the church and when he talks about future plans down the road just makes me so happy.  I am excited because he is excited.
Following God and doing what the Bible says doesn't always make you popular and we are okay with that. I am just thankful that He picked us to be where we are at Crystal Lake Baptist. If you are ever in the area of Lakeland,Fl-look us up. 1000 Mt. Airy Ave

Be Witnesses

Completion of week one. It has been a crazy busy week. I won't lay it off on you because the small details aren't important.
One thing I used to not be able to do was be flexible with schedules. I used to have to control each aspect of each day and block out time and then make plans for months out. I used to plan at the time our only childs birthday out 6 months to work out the details. Not anymore. The time my husband spent in the military taught me to throw all schedules out the window.
Generally our days start early and end late. Some days I am tired, other days I wonder who else we have time to help because midnight hasn't even made its way around yet.
Today Jacob preached another awesome sermon this morning as always. Didn't expect one thing though-the power of God's word that HE used Jacob to preach was so powerful and lovingly convicting. We have been going through the book of Thessalonians and we just started in chapter 4. Through this we went through select scriptures in all four Gospels and in Acts to review the great commission. I can never type or express the emotion of today from the sermon so if I am able to later I'll upload the audio.
I'm pretty sure Jesus broke me today again to remind me of His great commission. During the sermon a question was presented to us all after he talked about being Jesus's witnesses as it was listed in the scripture in Acts listed here:
Acts 1:6-11English Standard Version (ESV)

The Ascension

⁶ So when they had come together, they asked him, “Lord, will you at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” ⁷ He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority. ⁸ But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” ⁹ And when he had said these things, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. ¹⁰ And while they were gazing into heaven as he went, behold, two men stood by them in white robes, ¹¹ and said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven.”

-----------
The question was if we are His witnesses then why are we not witnessing? How many people by a show of hands this week have you told someone about Jesus and that they need a savior and what it is they needed saving from. I'll tell you how many raised their hands in a bit.

In the audio that will be posted its told that Saturday we had Jehovah witnesses come to our home. They were two ladies and after spending some time with them one lady with a scrunched up face said (I'm paraphrasing from memory) "if you believe in Jesus then how come I have never seen you come to my door to tell me what you believe"
Some very strong words.
If we are His witnesses then why aren't we witnessing?

Fast forward to tonight. It went in a way that I'm still thinking about and I'm staying up later then expected to type it to you. We were at church late and had other things to do to get ready for the first day of school and the start of the work week. We got an offer for dinner but declined because we had a visit to a church member that hasn't been able to make it due to health. Then we had something that came up so we went around the corner to the McDonalds to counsel with someone because we had not had dinner yet so it worked out for all involved. We get to McDonald's & park,get out and I'm so busy even though it's dark I didn't check my surroundings. The person meeting with us said they'd be inside in a minute so we headed in to order our food. Sitting on the sidewalk is a young girl who asks for money from my husband. #1 rule of ours is to not hand out money #2 we don't have any cash ever so we offer to buy her something so Jacob asks her what she wants and she said anything. He then offers her to come in and pick what she wants. While standing in line we introduce the family and make small talk. She ordered 20 piece nuggets no sauce and a drink.

We at first didn't get the chance to sit and talk as we had to counsel with someone but before she left we got the chance to sit down and chat for awhile. Turns out she's only 25, from New York and is living in the woods nearby because she's homeless because recently her ex boyfriend committed murder and is now in jail. She's bipolar and from the scars on her arms and admittedly she used to cut herself. As I watch God work and use my husband's loving words to tell her about Jesus she begins to open up more. I wish we could have talked all night. She chatted about her family and her siblings and how her mom is Italian and how she doesn't like asking for help and she remembers a few Bible verses that her grandparents went over with her when they were still alive. Alexis is a real human being with hard stuff in her life. She's only 25. The world had her in it's never ending cycle of hopefulness and no regard for the future because she's in a hole so deep she probably hasn't ever had relief. She left McDonald's with a Bible in her hands and our #s if she needs us. 

Nothing is ever by chance. God put her there. For jake to reach her and for me to learn how to reach others. 

Now to the number of people that raised their hands out of approximately 50 adults . Including my husband...4. I was heart broken.  And by the looks of it so was my husband. I'm sad to say that I was not one of the 4. It really was a gut check. Yeah I talk about Jesus and church because that is our life but last week I didn't share the gospel.

We never made it to the church members home and I'll have to get our oldest stuff together early tomorrow morning before he wakes up and wash bottles to take to the sitter's house but prayerfully Alexis has hope. Prayerfully she'll get home. Prayerfully she'll have peace in Jesus. Please pray for her. 

Be available. Be flexible. Be witnesses.

I make it a point this week to tell somone about Jesus. Can you try also? 

Always on time

No blog post since Sunday so here is an update. Whew!. It's Wednesday and only half way through the week and I feel like we've been going 90 mph since Sunday. It has all been wonderful! Sunday evening there was a fellowship dinner and Monday was my husband's first day in the office and there was a conference. Tuesday was visitation day & we squeezed in a lunch date (I live for dates with my husband!) Today was a meeting and Wednesday sermon and tomorrow and Friday are still in store.
I wish I could help take some of the load off and get my hands dirty but I work full time. I do have my lunch breaks and currently I watch cooking shows on Netflix as some down time. When I get my bearings it will be used more wisely like calling members to say hi and check in or writing in blank cards encouraging words to someone.
I am so thankful to God that we are here. I still can't believe it. The way God lined every plan and every turn and guarded us when we needed it and it really is awe inspiring.
On the schedule are upcoming meetings and outreach events and counselings and other things for my husband to work on.
We wouldn't have it any other way.
One of the things that we waited for and prayed for so long is here.
Right now.
For the rest of our lives.
God is always on time. I remember reading a Psalm once and I'll leave it here for you to read. If you are struggling and in your season of waiting just know there is always hope and God has a plan for you and is working through your situation.

13:1-6 ESV How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
My heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Today is the day

Today is the day, the long awaited voting day!
Things started out good this morning, got up, got the kids ready, packed the diaper bag, drank coffee and loaded into the car.
Went through the drive thru to get breakfast. Got to the church early for the first time in a long time but when we all got out of the car only 2 pages of a 5 or 6 page sermon was there. No problem! Since we are early I'll just drive back home and get the rest of or reprint the whole document. Then I get stuck by a unmoving train so I turn around and go to the house... the long way. By this time it is 9:35am, no worries I still have time to go around and then get back to the church before church starts. I was beside myself thinking of all of the things that could go wrong today or how it wouldn't go and by this time I've carried maybe 3 times.
Who can I call? Everyone I know that I could call that would pray for me are in church or going through their own life stuff. There has to be someone I can call to talk this out with!
I thought of someone to call but they teach a Sunday school class but I hit the call button anyway. "Please answer, please answer, please, please please" there was finally a sweet hello on the other end!
My immediate question was "did I catch you at a bad time" "I'm just teaching a Sunday school class but we have one child -whats going on?" I immediately thought of everything I wanted to say but I wanted to make it fast so I quickly let go of what I had on my mind and what had happened that morning -the abridged version & this sweet woman prayed for me right then. "Thank you Jesus!"
I did feel better and knew I had more that needed to be done to get back to church on time.
I get to the house and found the rest of the sermon notes just hanging out on the couch. Grabbed the notes, put them in the passenger seat secured by my bag of breakfast -oh boy i haven't even eaten breakfast yet. I then back out of the drive way and then drive back in again..."wait did I lock the door?" I parked the car and then got back out again. The door was securely locked so I went back to the car.
On the road again.  I ate breakfast on the way.
I got back to the church and I gave Jacob his notes and then was able to relax...a bit.
Sunday school  was almost over so I just decided to sit and wait it out. There were others in the sanctuary getting ready for the service. Everyone seemed just as anxious as me except for Jacob, he is always so calm. He's my rock.
As everyone came in after Sunday School they all greeted us and wished me luck for today.
I had a friend that was there for moral support that had been outside of the situation and that was very helpful for me since my husband had to be behind the pulpit. :)
The service started and I was relaxed by the known schedule of the service and it put my mind at ease. After the singing, Jacob started preaching -then I really relaxed. He always preaches from his heart and if God wanted us to be here, we would be here and if my husband was okay and content then so was I.  If the vote was not for us we would have our group that has stuck with us in the good and the bad go with us.
During and after the  sermon on Revelation 5 that was expounded on I really was okay and content. After the altar call Jacob and I stepped out while the vote was going on. I had the chance to see what could be Jacob's office and it is very beautiful. Nice and spacious and own bathroom and just room to really work in.
He said no matter what he was content. I knew he had done everything that thus far God had sent him to do. He has been the fill in pastor for quite some time and we have really grown to love the people and the church and can't wait to reach the neighborhood.
It didn't take long for the minister of music to come back and get us. He was smiling. They said yes. 97.8% yes! We stepped back into the sanctuary and everyone was smiling and then they all clapped.
My husband is now the full time pastor. I am so proud of him. My friend snapped some photos I will cherish. My favorite is of my husband on his knees thanking God for what has taken place.

5 years ago today he came home from Kuwait and touched feet back on American soil. Today he was voted in as full time pastor. We are home and have found our church home. 

Wow.

This is only the beginning, there is so much work to be done but we are ready.
I'm on cloud 9 & thankful to God and I can't wait to see what is next.